December 29, 2013

Hello Southernistas! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Hard to believe that 2018 is almost over and 2019 is almost here! I know it’s been a while since I blogged but I just wanted to enjoy the holiday season. It was my plan to start 2019 off with a new blog but a few months ago this date popped in my mind and I couldn’t get away from it no matter how hard I tried. I knew it was the Holy Spirit prompting me to share with you why this date has special meaning. I hope as you read this you find encouragement, that it strengthens your walk with Jesus (if you have a relationship), that it leads you to a relationship with Jesus, and that it will help you to realize you are not alone.

2013 was not an easy year for me at all I was living in a one bedroom apartment and everyday I came home to an empty apartment was depressing. I always felt like I lived such a solitary life at that time. I remember waking up every morning with a feeling of hopelessness and I just didn’t know how to handle what I was feeling. These are not feelings that just suddenly came up I had been dealing with depression for years but it was now so crippling I could barely function. I remember going to church and feeling nothing, praying and feeling nothing, it seemed like I was just going through the motions of my life but I wasn’t living.

I was in a really bad car accident early in the year and thank God he brought me, my Mom, and my niece out alive. I was sued for an large sum of money I didn’t have and so I had to give a deposition and go back to the city the accident happened for a mediation and God was on my side and delivered me from that situation but I was still so sad. I spent that whole year putting on a mask while I sat at home and cried my heart out.

When December arrived I had had enough of this life and I had made the decision to end my life. I had really good reasons, at least to me, for taking this step. Life had just gotten so hard and although I have a loving family, a loving Church, and friends I felt so alone and isolated. I believed that if I died no one would miss me and my daughter is an adult now and she doesn’t need me. I’m single and over 40 and it seemed that no matter how hard I tried nothing was working out in my life. At that time these reasons seems valid. I remember wanting to talk to someone but couldn’t because there were no words there were only tears. I remember how abandoned I felt by God and that this was as good as it was going to get.

I remember getting up that Sunday so sad and getting ready for church. I remember the feeling of finality that Sunday and after church I felt like I was seeing everyone for the last time. I laughed, I smiled, I said my I love yous to my Pastor & my Assistant Pastor. I remember hugging everyone because I was saying good bye to them for one last time. When my mother dropped me at home I remember looking at her and thinking this is the last time I will see my her beautiful smiling face. I said good by to my daughter although she didn’t realize it at the time because again I had on the mask.

That evening I got out the bottle of pills I had and looked around my sad little apartment. Just when I was getting ready to take the pills I heard a voice and I know it was the voice of God and that voice spoke one word and that word was…LIVE! In that moment I knew that I wanted to live that I didn’t want to die that no matter how my life was it was still worth living. I begin to just sob my heart out and with every tear that fell I knew God was doing something inside. I don’t remember how long I stood there sobbing but I do remember after while flushing those pills down the toilet going on my knees and crying out to Jesus and He reached out to me and touched me and healed me.

Sometimes life gets so hard for us and it becomes unbearable but I encourage you who are reading this blog to seek help don’t try to go it alone like I did. Seeking help is not admitting you’re weak or that you don’t have a strong faith in God it means that you are strong enough to realize you can’t do it on your own. It means that you realize that how you are feeling is not how you want to fee. There is nothing wrong with getting professional help.

That was 5 years ago today and I am still single but in these 5 years I’ve learned how to be single, I moved back in with my Mom, and life is good! I think about all I would have missed if I had ignored God’s voice calling me to live and not die.

December 29, 2013 was suppose to be the day I died but it became the day I lived and I have never looked back.

Dress from Eloquii (red sold out), Shoes from Payless Shoe Source

Until next time Southernistas…LIVE!

So Thankful!

Hello Southernistas so Thanksgiving is just around the corner! My prayer is that everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and for you who are traveling I pray God’s traveling mercies upon you and “may the odds be in your favor.” For you who are cooking I wish you godspeed!

This year I want to give thanks for this blog, new and old friends and new opportunities! First this blog never would have happened without encouragement from my best friend of over 30 years, Lisa, who is always available when I need her with no questions asked. Lisa was the first one who urged me to start a blog and she was the first one I turned to when I was trying to come up with names for my blog. She also came with me on my first photo shoot and was my wardrobe assistant at no charge. Thanks also to my Mother, Teralyn Dean, and Brian Antzack who were my cheerleaders in this new and scary path. Thank you to Kayla Moore who took my photos for my very first blog post at no charge and Maya Dean who served as Kayla’s assistant. Kayla and Maya thank you ladies for making time in your very busy schedules to help me bring my vision to life.

Not just my bestie but my Sister!

I am also thankful for Shelia Amir of The Bulls of Durham for two things the first making Durham her home and second her blogging workshop Blogging with Precision. I am a faithful follower of Shelia’s Instagram thebullsofdurham so when she announced her first workshop I signed up for it and learned so much and I did increase my social media presence on Instagram.When she rolled out her Blogging with Precision workshop I immediately signed up for this workshop and it was money well spent. In the workshop I learned so much and Shelia’s advice to me personally helped me so much. Thank you Shelia!

I am so thankful to God for Dia & Co for three things: 1. Allowing me to be an ambassador now a domino for them, 2. Creating a community and sisterhood for their customers. The third and most important is because of Dia I met Laura Roy Stanberry (check out her blog)who is not just a friend but a sister in Christ. There are no words that I can type that can really express how thankful I am that I know Laura!

Our first meeting!

Dia & Co also brought into my life these wonderful women who my Mother and I got to meet last month in Nashville. When Laura Mokelke organized a ladies weekend getaway for all who wanted to come I knew I was going. I blogged about the weekend get away here and here but I wanted to thank Laura and everyone who helped her put this girls trip together. I know I walked away with deep and meaningful friendships and the sisterhood was definitely established and I can’t wait for the next get together!

My Sisters!

As as I write this I realize these are just a few of the events and people in my life I am thankful for this year. I am blessed beyond measure with a loving family, an amazing daughter, awesome Pastor & Assistant Pastor, loving church family who supports me (AHOD I love y’all), good health, employment, friends new and old. This year as you gather with family and friends don’t forget to give thanks for all that God has blessed you with.

Until next time remember to Be Bold,Be Beautiful, Be Confidant!